As we begin this inward investigation, this journey into the Self, it is important to first address a basic, fundamental fact: Awareness is the foundation for all that is. It is the changeless background upon which and before which all change takes place. Despite all appearance and disappearance, despite all comings and goings, awareness remains constant. Consciousness will come and go, manifestation will come and go, but whether manifested or unmanifested, awareness always is. It is our very nature. Although its constancy is an ever-present fact, one’s perception of awareness will vary depending upon one’s depth of understanding of the Self. Awareness can be perceived in three different ways. I speak of Ego, Consciousness, and the Absolute.
The first perception of the Self is that of Awareness as Ego. By far it is the most common perception but also the most limited and most distorted. It is the source of all suffering but, before getting into that, let’s take a look at what it is and how it comes into being. Everything that exists is an appearance in Consciousness. The entirety of manifestation is the content of Consciousness. Being that Consciousness is formless and all-pervading, every manifestation is therefore imbued with Consciousness. In infancy, that Consciousness is in a dormant state which is why infants have no sense of self-awareness. As the body and mind grow and develop, that budding Consciousness begins to emerge and the sense of self begins to form but, in its ignorance due to lack of accumulated experience, the Consciousness latches on to the first tangible thing it finds which is the body. It takes the body to be its form and, through this body identification, a false sense of separation is created. Everything the child becomes aware of is seen in relation to themselves but as separate from themselves. This sense of a separate self is the Ego. This perception of the separate individual is then reinforced by parents, siblings, family, and society in general. It is also reinforced internally through comparison and judgment, which puts the focus on differences rather than similarities, apparently setting one apart from all else. This is, of course, factually inaccurate as different does not equate to separate. You may have several fingers on your hand, each one different from the next, but the fact remains that they are all part of the same hand. Comparison and judgment do however fuel the sense of separation which supports and strengthens the Ego identity.
While it may not be true, this sense of individuality, this sense of a separate self does serve a purpose. It fosters a sense of independence and even rebelliousness that help the child to establish their identity. Comparison and judgment help to form a set of personal preferences that shape that identity. These personal preferences serve as the basis for establishing goals. The sense of independence helps the child to begin to take responsibility for the fulfillment of those goals. The Ego identity is designed to help the child grow and mature through adolescence and into adulthood. It is designed to fulfill this purpose and then be transcended as it is only meant to be temporary. Throughout this growth process, connections with others normally occur. Relationships with family, friends, lovers, and with a higher power all help to develop a sense of connection that gradually replaces the sense of separation that supports the Ego identity. In doing so, that connectedness helps one to outgrow the Ego identity and evolve into mature Consciousness.
The problem is, however, that this evolution from Ego to Consciousness rarely happens. Childhood trauma, improper and negative conditioning, dysfunctional and broken relationships, broken trust, abuse, lack of intimacy, neglect, or even simple ignorance due to lack of education about the growth process can derail this evolution, preventing it from happening. The sense of connection required to replace the sense of separation does not form due to such events and circumstances, the result being that most remain at the level of the Ego identity. When something outlives its usefulness, it often becomes a detriment. Such is the case with the Ego and it is why I mentioned earlier that it is the source of all suffering.
The body identification that creates the sense of separation, which supports the Ego identity, imposes perceived limitations that distort the self-perception. When the infinite nature of Awareness is perceivably diminished and limited to the space of the body, it creates a sense of lacking or a feeling of being incomplete. This then causes the fear of not having enough and of not being able to have one’s needs met. This fear and sense of lacking is the source of self-centeredness, the defining characteristic of the Ego identity. The self-centeredness and the aforementioned sense of lacking cause one to seek fulfillment of their needs from outside themselves, as it is believed that fulfillment could not possibly be attained from within. They drive the need to take: to acquire and amass, often with no regard for and at the expense of others, thereby causing harm and creating suffering. This selfish pursuit, this attempt at fulfillment through outside means is futile because the sense of lacking and the corresponding fear is only perceived or imagined and therefore can only be resolved through a correction in perception. Self-centeredness also causes the personalization of things and events that are otherwise just appearances in Consciousness. This personalization creates the distorted perception that things aren’t just happening, they’re happening to “me”. It is this personalization, not the things or events, which causes suffering. Self-centeredness also creates a distorted perception of one’s relative sense of proportion and importance in relation to all else. This distortion exaggerates one’s view of their life situations, causing them to be perceived as “problems” that appear larger and of greater importance than anyone else’s. This causes one to be self-absorbed, diminishing the care and concern one would normally have for others. It is all of these distortions in perception that drive the kind of selfish, self-centered behavior which causes conflict with others, inevitably resulting in harm and suffering. They also serve to reinforce the sense of separation, thereby strengthening the Ego identity and preventing one from evolving, perpetuating the problem.
The eternal nature of Awareness is also perceivably diminished and limited through the body identification and the resulting Ego identity. A distorted sense of temporary duration of existence is created through the concepts of birth and death. These concepts only have relevance to the body, not to Awareness but, because of the body identification, they are mistakenly applied to Awareness as well, leading to a most primal sense of fear: the fear of non-existence. This fear is the source of anxiety, worry, uncertainty, fear of the future, fear of death, and a general sense of uneasiness that is often experienced. This distorted sense of limited time and the accompanying fear also create a sense of urgency that exacerbates the problems caused by the aforementioned sense of lacking. This sense of urgency dramatizes and intensifies these problems, resulting in even greater harm and suffering.
So much trouble and suffering are caused by a simple misidentification of the Self, by simply getting stuck at the level of Ego. Despite all of the problems it causes, the Ego is not something to be hated, shunned, and stamped out of existence. After all, what is Ego other than your sense of Self? What is self-centeredness other than love that has had its polarity reversed by fear and the sense of lacking? These are not things to be hated, shunned, or feared. They are you; only a limited, distorted perception of you. Only a correction in perception is needed. These distortions are to be realized and recognized as products of the Ego identity. They are to be understood. Without this understanding, they cannot be transcended. They must be embraced as a loving mother would embrace a sick or wounded child. They are to be loved. In many cases, that is all anyone needs but that love must come from within. Love from others is a wonderful gift that can aid initially but it is only ever temporary. Love from within is lasting. It is only through love and acceptance of oneself that healing and growth can occur. This can be challenging because of the fears, doubts, and insecurities created by the Ego. The self-centered nature must be overcome so that love’s polarity can be corrected because it is that outflow of love that helps one to establish the connections needed to evolve.
The problems that result from being stuck at the level of Ego are not without their grace though. They often create the necessary frustration, dissatisfaction, and pain that push one to seek help and seek answers. Despite its perceived limitations, the Ego is Consciousness and when that desire for help and answers is put into Consciousness, opportunities to grow will manifest. Believe me when I say that the Self does not want to suffer the limitations and distorted perceptions of the Ego. It wants to gain its true and proper identity. The suffering becomes the catalyst that sparks the evolutionary process, leading to the second perception of the Self, which is Awareness as Consciousness.
To be continued…